Over the past three months I have had a lot of emotions and feelings here are a few......
1. Overwhelmed......with the information, with the thoughts, with the daily process, with the huge responsibility of making sure my sweet girl is well and alive! The resposibility of knowing what to do at a moment's notice with a low or a high that can affect my daughter's well being!
2. Scared........of lows that can lead to seizures, loss of conciousness, or even death in type 1 diabetic children! Of highs that can cause damage to my sweet girls organs or lead to DKA and end us up back in the hospital. Of sleeping because she could go low during the night! I currently wake up every 2-3 hours to check her blood sugar throughout the night!
3. Tired.......of this new lifestyle, of the stress, of seeing my little girl get stuck over and over, to watch her cry out to God for answers during prayers at night, not knowing what's next, and of staying up most of the night checking blood sugars not being able to fall back to sleep bc of the thoughts that go through my head!
3. Worried......about the future for my sweet girl, about her getting sick bc once she's sick her blood sugars are everywhere! Of the unknown, Nevaeh can be 115 at one minute and be 40 or 404 the next!
4. Alone.......when Justin is at work for long hours I feel so alone! Especially, since I don't have a close friend that has experience with type 1 diabetes in their child. Don't get me wrong I have awesome family and friends but still long to have some one who can relate, let our children meet so they don't feel alone, and someone to vent with!
5. Sad......because of these feelings I have several days a week that are filled with tears!
6. Mad....that my 4 year old, beautiful, sweet, smart little girl has to deal have this chronic disease the rest of her life!
7. Blessed......that most of all I still have my sweet girl with me and that she is getting the treatment she needs now!