I haven't had a break down in several weeks which is so good but tonight I have already pricked Nevaeh's finger 4 times since she has went to sleep (and it's only 3am) bc of fluctuating blood sugars and it's hard not to. I have laid in the bed now for a couple of hours and the thoughts that I have about diabetes, the unfairness I feel for my child, and the wishes that I could take on this disease for her are a few of the many thoughts! And they are tormenting as a parent! I think about last year's birthday and how worry free it was compared to this year. Worrying about lows/highs, giving her a shot for her own birthday cake for crying out loud, worrying about how hard she plays with her friends and when to pull her aside to take her BS......these are so much different than the party decorations looking right or the food being good. I know this is the first birthday since being diagnosed so it is going to get easier but as I think of parents saying it gets easier it makes me sad to think that this will be the norm. That getting shots for cake and finger pricks all through the night should ever get easier since it's not what a little kid should have to go through. For those who read this, Thank you for listening and allowing me to let out some of this that is on my heart!
Today, Nevaeh is turning 5 and I am so thankful and blessed to have her!!! Please don't get me wrong I know we are truly blessed but it is still hard in moments like these.....
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